{{hugs}}

I'll second the suggestion of a support group or counseling. Stuffing such feelings away works for a while, but they tend to sneak up and blind-side you. While very difficult, it may be better to drag them out - in the proper setting with the proper people - look at them and beat the things to death! Transfer the control off of them and on to you. And I know, it's easier said than done.

{{hugs more}}