Ugh I'm already dreading it.

[rayvyn2k]

My doctor talked me into scheduling a colonoscopy screening. I had the pre-screening appointment today, sort of a meet and greet with the doctor who will be performing the procedure.

To say I am anxious is to say that the sky is blue and water is wet.

I watched my husband go through the prep for his and I've never forgotten it. Now, I'm looking at doing the same thing only with less Gatorade. (I hate Gatorade.) So, I have to try to choke down that Miralax mixed with water. An entire half-gallon. 8 ounces every 15 minutes. TWICE. Next Wednesday. Fucking-A, I don't know how I'm going to accomplish it. I guess I'll have to hold my nose and hope I don't gag.

I really, really do not want to do this and I resent the hell out of being basically forced to go. (And yes, the doctor was so very helpful in explaining why it should be done, but that doesn't make me feel better about it. There's no history of that kind of cancer in our family and I resent the hell out of these doctors trying to scare me into doing something I don't want to do. Isn't it MY body? Ugh, just ugh.)

I may be more sensitive to people trying to make me do stuff with my body that I don't want to do because I lived with an abusive, controlling asshole for three years of my life. IDK.

Have I mentioned my anxiety yet? It's off the charts and it's still a week to go. I'm seriously in fight or flight mode right now.

No solid food the day before and water torture, followed the next day by nothing at all except a sip of water until after. Luckily, the procedure is scheduled for 7 am on Thursday. After, baby had better take me to get breakfast or there will be hell to pay.

Comments

[islandsmoke.livejournal.com]

*holds your hand*

First, ask the doctor for something for the anxiety, now. The actual procedure is a piece of cake. I guess some people get minor cramps, and/or gas, but I didn't. I've had two, and my nerves came from the fact that pain meds make me violently ill, and the first time they didn't listen to me about that. (You get a dollop of pain med and happy juice for the procedure.) The second time, I practically took them by the lapels and shook them until they understood. They gave me a massive dose of anti-nausea stuff, and I breezed through with no problems whatsoever.

As for the prep, there's no way it's gonna be fun, but then, I do have one friend who actually liked the prep stuff. *shudders* No, wait. I had different prep stuff each time, and the first one I had no problem with at all. It was a straight shot of stuff, followed by gallons of water, repeated in the morning. The second time was that 8oz every hour shit and I didn't like it. I was trying to use psychology to get it down and what my brain came up with was Harry forcing Dumbledore to drink the poison to get to the fake Horcrux. (Since DD knows everything, why didn't he know it was a fake, anyway?) It did make me laugh, but I'm not sure it actually helped.

Of course you don't have to go, however.... A friend of mine, with no history of cancer in his family's past, went for his and - guess what?!? One surgery and six months later he had a clean screening and can go back to once a year. It's like checking the oil in your car; you don't have to, but the possible consequences of not doing it are really not worth ignoring it.

If you can, and I know it wouldn't be easy, try to choose this. Make it your choice to do this for yourself. If you can come from choice instead of being forced, I think it will help a lot with the anxiety. Probably won't take it away, but maybe help.

So do this for yourself. Don't do it for the family, 'cause that's coming from sacrifice. Don't do it 'cause they're forcing you - which they can't - 'cause that's coming from victimhood. Do it for yourself, 'cause that's coming from choice and that's powerful. And YOU are a powerful woman.

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

What smoke said.

I hope it all goes well

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[rayvyn2k.livejournal.com]

Thanks, guys. Thanks, Smoke. You're right, but I cannot get the picture out of my head of my husband's prep and I'm Sooo not looking forward to that. At All.

On the other hand, it is off early from work on Wed. and the full day Thursday...so...there is that.

I'm just generally grumpy about having to do it at all.

I do appreciate your support, everyone. Thank you.