Navel gazing

Went back to work yesterday after yet another week of huddling in the house. *sigh* Couldn't bring myself to go out the door--begged my sick husband to drive me. Bless him, he got dressed and took me to work, then picked me up after. I needed that because, I was afraid that 1) I wouldn't go at all, or 2) I'd find some reason to leave early.

And the reason came during our team "huddle"--when our supervisor explained that the change from regional calls to nationwide will happen 2/18...I stood there frozen, panic creeping up and filling every part of me. If I'd had the car in the parking lot, I would have fled. This is getting really stupid, I know it in my rational periods, but I just cannot help it. I don't feel safe unless I'm at home or with my husband. (Surprisingly, I was okay in Florida, too. Only the large family gathering stirred my anxiety and was squashed with 2mg of Valium.)

I am girding myself to go out by myself today. We got our tax refund and we got paid this week, so my bank account is begging me to spend it. (I've already paid bills and put some into savings, go me!) So, since hubby's birthday is on the 17th and VD is Thursday, I'm heading out to shop alone. It should be okay--I'll take my magic pill before I go. After, I'll stop by the grocery store then home. Wish me luck.

In other news, I've been leisurely enjoying the sshg_exchange this year. As much as I enjoy the Bingo game, I didn't sign up this year because I didn't want to add any stress...even enjoyable stress. On the minus side...no amazing gifts...on the plus side, I'll still have things to read even when the exchange is officially finished (for this year--I hope!).

I started physical therapy to try to strengthen my back. I have to say I'm enjoying it more than I expected. I was blatantly honest with my therapist (her name is Lakota--I love her) and told her that I am using the PT to also try to get used to exercising too. I am hoping to jump start my metabolism in order to reach my new goal for this year of 55 pounds off by December.

When I saw my doctor, he was pleased with my sugar, gave me a script to help my cholesterol and another to help me sleep. I was shocked at the expense of the Lunesta. There is no generic for it and even after my insurance was applied the prescription is 75.00. Yike. I hope I don't need it for long, but I have to confess--it helps. It seems to help me GET to sleep, but doesn't KEEP me asleep--since I'm able to wake and use the bathroom when I need to then go back to sleep without problems. And getting 7-8 hours of sleep per night has been a godsend. I didn't realize how tired I've been until now.

While I was home this week, I made good food for us, baked bread and generally enjoyed puttering around the house. This leads me to believe I'd be perfectly content to never work again. I really wish that I could be lucky enough to find something valuable around the house, or some long-lost relative would leave me enough money so I could quit work.

If I could get enough to pay off the credit cards then I could even go part time which would be okay too.

Okay, I'm finished now. If you've read this far, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug from me. :)

islandsmoke are you okay?

Holy shit, that's a lot of snow. I'm worried about you. As soon as you can, please let me know how you are doing.