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Went back to work yesterday after yet another week of huddling in the house. *sigh* Couldn't bring myself to go out the door--begged my sick husband to drive me. Bless him, he got dressed and took me to work, then picked me up after. I needed that because, I was afraid that 1) I wouldn't go at all, or 2) I'd find some reason to leave early.

And the reason came during our team "huddle"--when our supervisor explained that the change from regional calls to nationwide will happen 2/18...I stood there frozen, panic creeping up and filling every part of me. If I'd had the car in the parking lot, I would have fled. This is getting really stupid, I know it in my rational periods, but I just cannot help it. I don't feel safe unless I'm at home or with my husband. (Surprisingly, I was okay in Florida, too. Only the large family gathering stirred my anxiety and was squashed with 2mg of Valium.)

I am girding myself to go out by myself today. We got our tax refund and we got paid this week, so my bank account is begging me to spend it. (I've already paid bills and put some into savings, go me!) So, since hubby's birthday is on the 17th and VD is Thursday, I'm heading out to shop alone. It should be okay--I'll take my magic pill before I go. After, I'll stop by the grocery store then home. Wish me luck.

In other news, I've been leisurely enjoying the sshg_exchange this year. As much as I enjoy the Bingo game, I didn't sign up this year because I didn't want to add any stress...even enjoyable stress. On the minus side...no amazing gifts...on the plus side, I'll still have things to read even when the exchange is officially finished (for this year--I hope!).

I started physical therapy to try to strengthen my back. I have to say I'm enjoying it more than I expected. I was blatantly honest with my therapist (her name is Lakota--I love her) and told her that I am using the PT to also try to get used to exercising too. I am hoping to jump start my metabolism in order to reach my new goal for this year of 55 pounds off by December.

When I saw my doctor, he was pleased with my sugar, gave me a script to help my cholesterol and another to help me sleep. I was shocked at the expense of the Lunesta. There is no generic for it and even after my insurance was applied the prescription is 75.00. Yike. I hope I don't need it for long, but I have to confess--it helps. It seems to help me GET to sleep, but doesn't KEEP me asleep--since I'm able to wake and use the bathroom when I need to then go back to sleep without problems. And getting 7-8 hours of sleep per night has been a godsend. I didn't realize how tired I've been until now.

While I was home this week, I made good food for us, baked bread and generally enjoyed puttering around the house. This leads me to believe I'd be perfectly content to never work again. I really wish that I could be lucky enough to find something valuable around the house, or some long-lost relative would leave me enough money so I could quit work.

If I could get enough to pay off the credit cards then I could even go part time which would be okay too.

Okay, I'm finished now. If you've read this far, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug from me. :)

In another week, I'll be one day away from my long-awaited (and much needed) road trip.

Work has been a BITCH lately, both the work itself and the bullshit within...I don't have time now to go into detail...

...but I will say that I am a member of the Diversity and Inclusion committee which, by its very nature implies the members would embrace those values.

Not so much, this week.

Did you know that June is GLBT (formerly simply "Gay") Pride month? Well, it is. And I was asked to create a flyer for the department regarding same. Which I did. Which was viewed and approved by two levels of management, one of which was the VP level.

It was sent out. A couple of the committee members ("good" Christians, both) had a problem having their name attached to "that subject matter". So, a meeting was called. Everyone was allowed to speak (thankfully, the managers and most of the other committee members supported the flyer) and those two were basically told if they cannot support diversity and inclusion in all its forms they were free to quit the committee with no hard feelings.

I really hope they do.

Anyway, I wasn't going to go into all that detail, but there you have it. There is too much work, and now this on top of it and I'm a knotted up mess.

Only one more week, then I will be free...for a few days.

Yeah, that's me. I'm sick to death of my husband's so-called "family". Especially his brother and his brother's fiance.

She seems to be pissed off at us for something...and I think I know what it is. Last year, they had a housewarming ... I can't really call it a "party" because it was more like a "day" or an "open house". We found out about it via an invitation which was handed to us by his father at his father's house--and on the invitation was the notification that there would be a money tree there...

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Well, we didn't go.

And I think she's still pissed off about it.

We had been invited to have Easter dinner at their house last year, and then the "house warming" and since then...

Nada.

We were not invited for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter this year.

We had the kids here, of course for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so that was good--but I know that her family and Gregory's father were all invited over...and it would have been nice to have at least been asked...you know?

Today, we did nothing because it seems the abrupt and drastic weather change has been playing havoc with Gregory and he has some crud. So, we couldn't have gone anyway--but again--it would be nice to be asked--or at least acknowledged.

It didn't help my state of mind that I talked to my sister, brother and mother today at my sister's house enjoying the holiday in the company of people who love and care about them. I was so jealous and upset I could hardly speak. I literally had tears streaming down my face and was reduced to speaking in grunts. (Mom, Beth and Jeff--totally not your fault, nothing you could have known about and I did appreciate talking to you--honestly.)

I told Gregory later that I don't even care anymore if we build a house out there. In fact, I don't think I even WANT to build and live out there anymore. Those people don't seem to care about us, or want to spend time with us. (The last time Gregory's "friends" went camping, they didn't even bother to call him.) We haven't heard from any of them for months. I think that Gregory is as upset about the lack of communication as I am, but he hides it better. In many ways, I wish we hadn't moved from Ft. Lauderdale.

Why would I want to move out of Murfreesboro and out to the country? At least here, my son and his family are five minutes away, the job is five minutes away and we are in the middle of a vibrant, active city.

Now, I do want to move to either a house or a different apartment, but I am seriously reconsidering my feelings about moving out to the country.

In other news, work is going well. There was an issue with my nemesis, which I was able to work out with the help of a good friend. And it worked out completely in my favor since my team leader suggested that I could move to the empty cubicle three cubes away as a solution. Which is perfect because I have wanted to move away from this woman for over a year. So, that was an unexpectedly positive outcome.

That's all for now.

Well, I had my first "official" full day on the phone at work yesterday.

It wasn't terrible. It could be better if I wasn't sitting next to a whiny-ass bitch who snorts when she laughs and doesn't know how to talk quietly.

I left work with a headache yesterday because of her foul mood. She got a couple of frustrating calls and just let her day spiral down into a morass of anger and bitterness which she had no problem venting to any and all around her.

I understand getting frustrating calls. I've gotten them myself at this and every other phone job I've ever had. But you do not bitch about it all fucking day long until you drive your co-workers insane.

I had to put in my earplug to try to mute her---and I could STILL HEAR HER even with a headset on (the headset only has one earphone-unfortunately-hence, the earplug for the other ear.

In other news, hubby and I got to do the grandparent thing last Saturday. We had Tyler from 10am to 6pm because both kids were working. That little boy wore us out. I worked some ot in the morning, so hubby had him from 10-12. I brought lunch home with me and we ate then we headed off to the Discovery Center here in town to let him run off some energy.

He seemed to have fun...yet, he doesn't have a very long attention span. He would dash from one thing to another, hardly lingering at any of them at all. And he didn't want to interact with the other children at all, either. I'm not sure if that's because he is still kind of young (after all, he's only 2) or because he hasn't really had a chance to be around other children yet. It's been so long since I was around a 2-year-old, I don't really know.

Anyway, after we saw and did nearly everything inside, we took the baby out to the playground and let him run around on the climbing apparatus for about a half an hour...until Nana and Pa Pa got too cold. Heh. Then we came home and he took a nap...I have to say that we dozed as well.

My son came at six and relieved us.

When hubby and I first got married, I used to say that I'd like to have a child with him. It's a good thing he had no interest in having kids, because I think I'm past caring for them on an every-day basis. In fact, I wonder if I'm going to be any good at all at this "grandma" thing. I am not a "natural" at it like my sister...and I find myself frustrated most of the time.

*sigh*

Anyway, time to finish getting ready for work.

Well, the holidays are behind us for another year and the reality of work slapped me right across the mush this week.

First week on the phone (three hours per day) at my own desk without the comfort of the classroom and the knowledge of someone who can answer a question if you raise your hand.

And when I say slapped, I mean bludgeoned.

See, all of the training we've had for the last year has supposedly led up to this. Unfortunately, the training has and has not (in so many important ways) prepared us for answering calls.

It is so hard to explain because this job is not like any phone job I've ever had in the past. We really haven't had any real practice in taking the types of calls we are getting. The powers that be claim there is no way to train for these types of calls except by just getting on the phone and doing it.

I call bullshit.

There are all kinds of ways to train for these types of calls. There are all different kinds of software out there which can be personalized for the company which can give you a grasp of what is expected. There are several "typical" calls that come in and it is TOTALLY possible to create an environment where these can be practiced. But, "this is the way everyone else was taught" is the mantra which is repeated by anyone you question...including my own husband. Just because that is the way it has always been done, doesn't make it RIGHT.

Yesterday I had several difficult calls in a row. The agent's staff members on the other end of the phone had an adgenda...ask a seemingly "easy" question, then once they get the answer they KNOW is coming...jump all over it with the REAL issue in a haughty, sarcastic way which causes a new person to faulter...then, sensing weakness, they go for the jugular. Even when I asked for help from the more experienced people around me, the issues were not something which could be handled in a few minutes and required more in-depth research. These calls left me literally shaking with rage and humiliation--and in tears of frustration.

It is the whole, sharks in the water who smell a drop of blood aspect of the calls which undid me. That and my own tendency to feel humiliated and angry if I am cornered in that way. I hate not knowing the answer to things, and being thrown to the wolves and told "this is how you'll learn" just ratchets up my stress to impossible levels. Not to mention that the last part of our training was basically rushed because of lots of things that happened to our class and the company during the last year which delayed some things.

So, in spite of the promises we got months ago that "there would be time added on for the time which was lost"--it just didn't happen. The company needed the bodies on the phones and by God, those bodies were going to be plugged in --- ready or not.

Yesterday, after work, Hubby and I walked out together and I basically melted down in the parking lot. I told him (with more tears, and in much more detail) that I didn't know if I could continue to work in a place that give lip service to "caring about it's employees" and then just throws them into the lion's cage.

And the lions are hungry.

So, I told him--and reminded myself--that this company (in spite of what the management preaches) is just like every other corporation I've ever worked for. They are looking at their own bottom line first. Whether it's their shareholders or their desire to reduce the volume of phone calls because of complaints by the agents. The company is going to look out for itself FIRST, and to hell with the well-being of their employees. I ranted at him in the parking lot for 45 minutes...then we got take out food and I spent the rest of the night playing a video game.

I hate working.

I wish I could find something to do to bring in money that didn't require me to sit in an office day after day and feeling my spirit being crushed bit by bit.

The problem is...I just don't know what my perfect job would be.

Wait, yes I do.

I thought I had it at my last job. Working every day online--answering inquiries from customers by email...showing them how to work the website, or just answering a question. In that job, before it went south, I sent between 75-100 emails per day.

It was bliss.

If I have to work for someone else, I wish I could find a job like that again.

But my real wish is to come into enough money somehow (the lottery? finding a rare printing of the Declaration of Independence on the back of an old crappy painting? Anything?) so that I would never have to go to a job outside my home ever again.

I hate my life sometimes.

Had a lovely evening with a friend from work. Went to a Mexican restaurant in downtown M'Boro called Cafe Burrito. What a little gem hidden in a row of shops! The food was sooo good, there was generous portions (but not too generous) and very inexpensive! I had a plateful of burrito...what might be called a "wet" burrito which was filled with steak and sauce then topped with more sauce and cheese, lettuce and a generous dollop of sour cream. This came with rice and beans (I only had the rice) and it was awesome good. My friend Denise had a spinich enchilata which she said was good but could have used a bit more cheese inside. It came with rice and beans, too. Plus I brought home a chimichanga for my hubby and the grand total was 22.00. I think I've found a new love there. :)

Denise and I spent something like three hours just chatting. It was such a nice evening, I'm glad she decided to come out and play.

Got home and gave hubby his food (he agreed that it was great) and then spent about an hour just talking about work...which was so nice because we were able to converse and I knew what we were talking about! Before, hubby would bitch about things and I only had the vaguest idea of what he meant, but now-- we can really communicate about things. It was so nice.

Tomorrow, we're going to the Watertown Jazz Festival --at least that's the plan. We'll see how it all pans out or if we get all sluggish and decide to be lazy in the afternoon. I have frozen water and I'll go get some stuff for the cooler in the morning. I'll take the camera, so if we do go, I'll have some pics by Sunday.

Guess that's it for this installment of rayvyn2k's boring ass life! Hee!

I'm sitting here this morning, queasy stomached, cotton-headed and dry mouthed--with a huge grin on my face.
I had such a great time last night!
After work, four of us met up at a local steakhouse. Said local steakhouse had Happy Hour with two for one well-brand and they consider Jack Daniels a well brand!!! OMG!! I had them put the two into one large glass and damn. Their bartender was generous. Or maybe I'm not really used to drinking much anymore.
Anyway, the girls and I ordered appetizers (by the way...who ever heard of putting chili on potato skins? Gross) and drinks and then we started talking. We talked about work, ourselves, our past...it was really amazing how much we revealed to each other. We were at the restaurant for a couple of hours. (I had two of the Jack and coke doubles, and NO, I won't be doing that again any time soon.)

I just have to say that last night reminded me of why girlfriends are important. You can say things to other women that you just can't or won't say to a man. And my hubby is one of the best.

We agreed to try to meet like that at least once per month. I can't wait for the next time.

Later today, hubby and I are going to the country to visit his folks and to see his brother's new house. *jealous* Hopefully, it will give my hubby the kick in the pants he needs to write the check to get the survey done on "our" property so we can start our house. I'm not sure what's happening with him, but whenever I bring up the subject, he either changes it or refuses to talk about it. Something is going on with him about that subject, but I'm not sure what. (And I have told him that if he doesn't want to have the house, an apartment is fine with me--no it honestly is--as long as it's not here. If we are going to live in an apartment, I want one with at least a dishwasher, and preferably one with both a dishwasher and a washer and dryer.

As far as the whole thing that happened at work...well, the management keeps saying they "didn't find any reason inside the building or classroom" for what happened. But they have kept us out of that room for the past week while they cleaned it from top to bottom--walls, floors, ceiling, computers--everything. They also fixed the duct system, adding more ventilation. But, the memos going around are all "as far as we can see...nothing is wrong..." Meanwhile, several of my classmates were rushed to the ER and had high levels of carbon in their blood. We believe it was carbon monoxide poisoning. But, the company may never admit that that's what happened. Oh, and we were informed that we will have to use our own sick time for the days we were out...even the days when we were SENT HOME. That really sucks.

Other work news, the training is going well, at least for me. I seem to be grasping the concepts pretty well and I am feeling better about the whole thing overall. There's still a lot to learn, but I was able to obsorb the lessons and tasks this week pretty well and I'm glad. *sigh of relief* I was afraid I would be slow to learn and embarrass myself, but I seem to be one of the quick ones in the class. Whew.

Guess that's all for now. We're off to the country in a little while.

Our Valentine's Day was lovely. In the morning, I received a red foil bag with my favorite perfume (Amarige by Givenchy) plus a heart-shaped box of chocolates...which was a metal box with a picture of my favorite NASCAR driver, Jeff Gordon on it. Ahhh, my man knows me well. He also included a mushy card which brought me to tears.

I had arranged for him to get his Valentine at work, so I only gave him a card in the morning. I could tell he was thinking "WTF?", but I was told later that once he got to work and found his gift waiting for him on his desk, he was very touched. He received a heart-shaped basket with a very soft red bear inside. The bear was cute as it was wearing a black and red satin cape and had little "devil" horns on it's head. It held a heart-topped staff which said "I Love You". So Adorable. Also included in the basket was a box of Russell Stover chocolates and a big ol' mushy card. Hee. Needless to say, he was happily surprised. Even his manager told me the same thing and then added "You're a really good wife." I thanked him and told him it was easy to be a good wife because he's such a good hubby.

The training class was hyped up on chocolate all day, so we were kind of unruly and I'm not sure how much I really learned. I also had my first one-on-one with my supervisor who basically told me my main responsibility and goal was to show up every day and learn the job.

After work, hubby and I drove over to our favorite Chinese restaurant, but even at five pm the wait was nearly an hour, so we went with our second choice. Good ol' Ruby Tuesdays got us a table in less than ten minutes and we had a fabulous dinner. Then we came home and it was Olympics on tv! (Isn't that romantic?)

Unfortunately, my "neighbors" decided they would spend three hours in the parking lot outside my bedroom window whooping and hollering and laughing and talking LOUD...so I didn't fall asleep right away and then I kept waking up all night. So I'm friggin' tired right now and I don't want to go to work, but I suppose being really tired is not really a good excuse for staying home so I have to go. I have to buy a lottery ticket or two today since Powerball is up to 300 million. I would be satisfied with 1/300th of that--and could live on it quite happily. sigh.

Hi Ho Hi Ho, it's off to work I go...Hope I can stay awake.

The job, I mean. We are starting to learn about the different screens and types of insurance. We are also still plowing through all the boring shit, too. And unfortunately, with insurance, there is a ton of boring shit.

Sigh.

But my classmates are mostly lots of fun, the instructors are mostly good and my husband told me tonight that he is glad to see me there each day! W00T!

I have nearly finished my wizard_love gift (do you hear that islandsmoke ?) and I hope to have it to the betas by the weekend. Whew. I finally had a breakthrough on the story the other night just before I fell asleep--which is where I usually have my best inspiration.

I find that I am so mentally tired after being in the classroom all day, that I don't feel like cooking or doing anything except vegging. I am going to have to figure something out, because we cannot afford to eat out every night. I suppose I'll have to borrow my MIL's trick of cooking over the weekend.

And that's about all. Sorry the updates are so damned boring lately.

Today's adgenda:

Outlook Express...(my last job, if you recall, was emails. I'm intimately familiar with this program. Yes, I know, not everyone is...still...OMG so dull.)

You're allowed to access the internet on your breaks and lunch...you just can't access Yahoo (among other email sites)...oh, and of course, no downloading, no copywrited material...repeated again...and again...and again...and again...and again...for HOURS. I felt like shouting: JESUS CHRIST, WE FUCKING GET IT, OKAY????

The Intranet site was a bit more interesting. I managed to sign up for direct deposit.

We finally got to the really interesting stuff right at the end of the day.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.