Trying to keep the depression away

[rayvyn2k]

Cried myself to sleep last night over nothing and everything. Sort of feeling like my life has been a big waste. The whole "why am I here?" question again. I don't know. Maybe it was just to lead an ordinary life. Certainly not what I planned or expected when I was much younger.

Ah, turning the big 5-0 has made me a bit introspective.

Went out to dinner with hubby tonight as the gift card my mom gave me for my b-day was burning a hole in my wallet (Thanks, Mom!). We went to Longhorn Steakhouse which is a bit above our usual price range, but with the magical Amex Gift Card, we spoiled ourselves with steak and shrimp scampi combo. YUM.

After we browsed around the World Market for a bit and then we wandered over to Barnes and Noble. Hubby wanted a book of poetry and I needed to buy the next series of books I intend to read as I am nearly finished with "The Troy Game" series by Sara Douglass.

(The second and third books were much more satisfying than the first. Only have about a quarter of the third book left then the fourth.)

My friend Sheri is among the missing. So, Sheri, if you're reading, email me at work or home, or call me on my home phone. PLEASE. Last I heard you were trying to recover from bronchitis.

I'm also a bad sister as I haven't checked in on Beth for two weeks. I keep meaning to call from work then keep getting too busy and by the time I get home it seems like it would be too late. Sorry, Beth. I am thinking of you every day and hope you are healing well.

That's all for now because if I write any more, my fragile hold on my emotions will crack.

Comments

[rayvyn2k.livejournal.com]

Aww, you're sweet. Concentrate on your move, sweetie. I'm an old hand at this and will be okay eventually.

Truffles, yum!

I don't get into the chat much anymore since hubby plays the online Lord of the Rings game most nights. He's talking about getting a second computer, so maybe one day soon.

[(Anonymous)]

you are not a bad sister...The flowers you sent to the hospital and the cookie basket sent to the house for my birthday are proof positive of how great you are! They were both fantastic!!! I am doing better than last week and am hopeful that I can return to work next Wednesday (9/10). The doctor wants to do the colonoscopy as soon as I am healed from the surgery as I did also have a pelvic adhesion which had caused my colon to attach to my abdominal wall (this too may have been a contributor to the pain.) Everything else is status quo, kinda sick of watching everyone coming and going and I can barely get from the recliner to the bathroom without a pain or two. But anyway...it is soooo much better than the last two (almost 3) weeks that it just amazes me what the human body can do!!! But anyway, keep your chin up and when you get bluesy, just think about next Feb or March when we will do the Disney thing!!! Much Luv to All, Beth

[hellstern83.livejournal.com]

hey. sorry to hear things aren't so hot lately. you still working at state farm?

[rayvyn2k.livejournal.com]

Wow...hi! Yep, still there. A job's a job--right? How are you? Have you heard from Salena? I have left messages for her on her MySpace page and her phone, but haven't heard back. I think of both of you often and fondly...in fact, last night I was really wishing you both still worked there...I miss you guys.

[(Anonymous)]

Everything will be okay. Please dont feel that way. I am always here if you need someone to talk to. I may just be one of your children but i have a good listening ear. Me and Adam need you around. We love you very much. Love you always Nicole