Five Years
Oct. 15th, 2008 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rayvyn2kFive years ago, my brother Joe died.
Five years.
I had only just moved to Tennessee...we moved on Labor Day and six weeks later I got the phone call at 1 am that changed my life forever.
And, I am ashamed to say...I forgot that today was the day.
Completely, utterly forgot.
Busy with work, I'm in charge of organizing "Boss's Day" tomorrow, we have a new team member, planning the anniversary trip...yadda yadda yadda.
I can't believe that I forgot...today is the day my big little brother finally found peace...
It's not that I don't think about him...and often. He still visits me in my dreams sometimes. I have a small shrine with some of his ashes, a photo of the family and a couple of his small knick-knacks.
His memory is no longer a gaping, open wound...it's more of an endless ache. A pain which is there, in the background, like a bruise or a scrape. Not too noticeable until you probe it and it flares up to remind you it's still there. That happens to me a couple of times a month.
I should have remembered without having to be reminded. I'm ashamed of myself.
Here's the video slide show I made the year after he died.
Please go and hug your loved ones right now...don't wait. Tell them you love them. You never know when it will be for the last time. The one thing I'm so thankful for is that the very last thing I ever said to my brother was "I love you. Drive safe."
I still love him. I still miss him.
Five years.
I had only just moved to Tennessee...we moved on Labor Day and six weeks later I got the phone call at 1 am that changed my life forever.
And, I am ashamed to say...I forgot that today was the day.
Completely, utterly forgot.
Busy with work, I'm in charge of organizing "Boss's Day" tomorrow, we have a new team member, planning the anniversary trip...yadda yadda yadda.
I can't believe that I forgot...today is the day my big little brother finally found peace...
It's not that I don't think about him...and often. He still visits me in my dreams sometimes. I have a small shrine with some of his ashes, a photo of the family and a couple of his small knick-knacks.
His memory is no longer a gaping, open wound...it's more of an endless ache. A pain which is there, in the background, like a bruise or a scrape. Not too noticeable until you probe it and it flares up to remind you it's still there. That happens to me a couple of times a month.
I should have remembered without having to be reminded. I'm ashamed of myself.
Here's the video slide show I made the year after he died.
Please go and hug your loved ones right now...don't wait. Tell them you love them. You never know when it will be for the last time. The one thing I'm so thankful for is that the very last thing I ever said to my brother was "I love you. Drive safe."
I still love him. I still miss him.
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(no subject)
Date: 10/16/08 02:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 10/18/08 06:08 pm (UTC)It's odd. I'm terrible at remembering anniversaries. I never remember friend's birthdays unless I have them written on the calendar, and I can't remember when my best friend of 20 odd years died -except that it was in the late fall - even though I was the one to find her after her heart attack. The only way I remember the time of year is that someone brought a rose from their garden to the service, I was surprised there was one in bloom so late in the year. I think you're right, it's what we do and say when they are living that counts, and the memories that we hold dear. Dates aren't the important thing.